Musings…

Is it possible to erase or modify life lines? I was told by a good friend just yesterday that the lines on your palms dictate a lot about your journey in life. I’ve heard the same thing said about the lines on one’s forehead. Sounds like a bunch of BS, though it does make sense that life somehow has been mapped by this omnipotent being up there upon our births, whether he cleverly masked that into lines on one’s hand or forehead is left for mortals like us to figure out when there’s nothing better to do besides making a dish out of your fingernails.

            Nevertheless it got me thinking about my own lifeline…and how I ended up where I am today after a narrow and winding journey, which by god is still not close to being over. These few days I seem to be filled with an unexplainable need for redemption. As if I was walking on this silent path and got lost somewhere along the way, somehow meandering back to some old lanes long unvisited. And so I was brought upon the times when unintentionally, or by cause of certain circumstances, I hurt the people who mattered to me.

            So how does one disentangle himself completely from the burden of guilt? I suppose there’s a reason why intrinsically humans are born with conscience. And that at certain points of their lives, they would look back somehow and retrace the consequences of their actions unto others and mull over it, especially if the consequences had not been good.

            Maybe it served as a reminder for us to continue to better ourselves as we move on living our lives day by day. And that we shouldn’t repeat any longer the actions that we know would cause such pain and dejection, leading to a series of events or chain reaction that could change that person’s life.

            In my journey, I suppose I did make a lot of blunders along the way, some small and insignificant, some more massive and unforgettable. I guess I am pretty clear of those big moments when I bungled up horribly. I could think of those few moments without having to bat an eyelash. Yes, the memories are all still clear in my mind, though I would have wished that time has blurred the edges somehow.

            At worse, what I could say in self-protection is that it is my prerogative to make mistakes and learn from it. I’ve been young and foolish once. And to those who have walked my path and are ahead of me, I may still be young and foolish. Just like any other normal human beings I make unwise decisions and have suffered the consequences. I know some have suffered with me. I beg their pardons, but I suppose that’s life.

            At best, I could apologize now as I did before, and wish that somehow it would be balm to an age old scar. Though what good would that do for all those who have suffered? The tide has already come and gone. The pain should have ebbed through the river of time. All I can say is that if I could modify my life line somehow so that it did not lead to all the anguish involved, I would.

            Alas, even the lines on my palms cannot be altered, let alone the past that has gone swiveling by. I only hope that I am able to maneuver my destiny so that I would not be put in the position whereby I would have to hunch over the burden of guilt ever again. Period.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2006 at 8:05 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.