Marathon
What a hectic, hectic day today. Hardly any time to breathe or blink at all. I’m finally back in the office after running here, there and everywhere, completing all the tasks I have on hand. That was what I did today. I’ve written down action items in my little black book, and absolutely refused to let myself be overwhelmed by everything that is left to do. Also, I’m ticking them off rather viciously from the list after attacking them and seeing them through to completion. I’m saying WHEW now and patting myself on the back because today, I’m behind the wheels and life’s circumstances isn’t driving me around. I’m in control. At last. And I’m coming out of my stupor finally thank god, and the whiteness is beginning to develop into wondrous bursts of colors again…much akin to a garden full of flowers in springtime.
Ahhh, fresh air. Ahh, rainbows. Ahhh…life. I breathe it, I savor it, and I taste it – be it bitter, sweet or sour.
Having said that, I guess I owe a lot of people an apology for being such a grumpy, moody, jittery and unresponsive ogre the past days. The truth is that I have been unwell - physically unwell, so to speak. I’m battling with this hideous cough that threatens to uproot me and bury me six feet under. I’ve had coughing fits that last up to half an hour non stop and at times, it gets so hard to breathe that I have to struggle and wheeze just to get some air into these lungs. No doubt, the irritation is driving me quite bonkers and I’ve been fraught with lethargy and fatigue for most part of the days, and trying to keep my eyes open against the drowsiness caused by the medication that I’ve been given. One hell of a series of medication, I tell you…they make the most delicious foods taste like paper and I still get so agitated sometimes that I am not able to control my fingers from shaking when I write or type. Not to mention the bloody cold sweat that makes one sticky and uncomfortable and jumpy. Ahh, damn the bug that’s been going around and biting every other person around the vicinity in the arse. If you sight it anywhere within reach, fart on it please. Then, proceed to squish it into pulp. Sigh. I only wish that mental strength can go to such extreme heights as to be able to cure sicknesses and diseases. Then, the world would be a much better place.
Anyway, bugs and illnesses aside, thanks for all the concern shown and also for checking up my blog despite me being completely parched of anything to write of late. You don’t know how much it means to me as a writer, as a friend and as a person, that my thoughts and words are worth reading and worth following. Especially to Vince for your moving words…thanks for reminding me of my place in this life…you’ve solved my identity crisis haha, in the most beautiful way, too. You have such a wonderful way with words – they serve to energize and rejuvenate the part of me that have somehow wilted during one of the storms in life way back when.
Sometimes, when the going gets too chaotic, I guess we tend to forget who we really are, and the essence of what makes us, us in the first place. I remember now my niche, and the roles that I have played, am playing and will continue to play. Yes, at some point, it did become quite unbearable, running a household on my own and making each and every decision, as well as footing every misstep by myself. It’s like running for a marathon that never seems to end. Nobody else could fill in your shoes and run for you though they try. Each step then becomes a conscious effort not to stumble and fall into oblivion. And you’ve got to learn quickly never to focus on the lethargy in your muscles or even the sound of your tortured breath as you push yourself forward, lest you should succumb to them and give up. It is a test of sheer courage, mental strength and will power, this life. Which is why I’m so thankful for all the beautiful people around me who runs with me, cheers for me, hands water to my parched lips, and ensures that when I reach the finish line, I remember that the run had been worth every tear, every sweat and every drop of blood shed along the way.
So to those who have been down, and are still struggling in their personal marathons, have faith please. God never promised for life to be a bed of roses. At the end of the day, it is up to each and every one of us to strive in pursuit of our own happiness. The only action that could make or break us would be our own.
