Excerpts from the Diary of the Malaysian Version of the Dumb Blonde(Brown) ;p
It is still Saturday…I’m getting bored because my only agenda in the morning is to clean up my freakish wardrobe; freakish because every time I take a dive into the pile of clothes that seem to gravitate towards random disarray every few days, I find something that I forgot existed in the first place. My poor wardrobe has taken quite a beating…a few weeks ago, one of the drawers came undone under the stupendous weight of my party clothes. It’s filling to the brim – every single drawer and hanging space no doubt (and that’s not even taking into account those in the laundry room) and I’d probably have to get another chest of drawers to fit in my ever growing collection.
Oh, which reminds me. I have a psycho problem – now before you jump to the wrong conclusion and send me to Tanjung Rambutan in a straitjacket, I’m no serial murderess or schizo. Every now and then, life’s circumstances get too overbearing and I lose my head so completely that I go on binges, no, not on food, but on material stuff I don’t really need but would die to have. Some call it my retail therapy. The harder I’m hit by my daily frustrations or its buildup through time, the more I burn a hole in the pocket at the end of my shopping sprees. Read: HOPELESS SERIAL SHOPPAHOLIC.
These few days, that was exactly what happened. It is a psycho problem now, isn’t it? For how can a sane, down-to-earth person like me lose all rationale and go into the BUY BUY BUY mode without thinking of the consequences until the binging session is over?
It’s like…
Eunice: This aquamarine bikini is so absolutely gorgeous. But so is the white floral one. And the blue and lilac one. Hmmmhhh…
Angelic inner self: Holy cow! Look at the price of each! Which one looks nicer on you? Try it once and try it again till you can make up your mind. Or you’ll be stocking up on cup noodles named Maggie till your next paycheck.
Devilish inner self: The aquamarine one flatters your body oh-so-much. And it is your favorite color of all time! The white and floral one looks so absolutely cute on you. It brings back a taste of innocence somewhat, apart from being your favorite color of all time as well. The blue and lilac one is just the killer. The ribbon at the front makes it so girlish and sweet. Oh, and it is also your favorite color of all time!
Angelic inner self: Resist! Resist! Resist!
Devilish inner self: Indulge! Indulge! Indulge!
Eunice: Wreangwangwangwangwangwangwangwang…(gibberish and undecided)
Angelic inner self: Think of Maggie and the amount of mono-sodium glutamate that would go into your system the next few days.
Devilish inner self: MSG or no MSG, it is only so often that you come across clothing that you love so much. Blink once and they’d be off the shelf. Besides, you have too much hair and MSG would save you iron perm and layering costs.
Eunice: Shakalakhashakalakha ding ding!
Then, before you know it: Kaching! Kaching! And cash flows out like river into the sea. All three bikinis are in a fancy paper bag and you’re walking out of the shop wondering what hit you. And the more you hear the Kaching! Kaching! The more you get transfixed somehow. So you jump from one shop to another like a honeybee from one flower to another, forgetting time, forgetting your first name and forgetting the fact that money doesn’t grow on trees. And the scenario above repeats with different sets of work shirts, or micro skirts, or mini dresses or tube tops. Until the credit card goes bust and your purse is void of cash.
Sigh. And then you come out of your psychotic binge and look at all the wrapped packages all around you and you go: What the toot! What was I thinking? What’s gotten into me? Guilt envelopes you so fully you feel choked somehow and you start sitting behind your desk and taking out your old faithful calculator that never lies. Your eyes bulge a bit at the total and pop out completely once the figure sinks in. As sweat courses down your forehead, you wish somehow that like food binges, you could induce vomit to your shopping indulgence.
Alas, the damage has been done and all you can do is to call your closest mates and complain to them why they never shot you or karate-chopped you into oblivion when you stated you wanted to go shopping.
Ahh, well. Guess I’ll go back to salivating over my new bikinis I might not have the chance to wear until I save enough cash for an island retreat haha. Isn’t that just so ironic? Life and its incongruity. Sigh.
