Fear Factor
23 February 2006 - the date that I’m finally able to shift my skinny arse into ‘blog mode’ and join the rest of my predecessors in this virtual world of ranting and bitching and griping about life and whatnot…angst, angst, and more angst … life is all about that after all, isn’t it? If you live, if you breathe, there must just be something somewhere that is not perfect, something that warrants being in the age old gripe box.
Whether your life is just so completely topsy-turvy (like mine) at the moment or whether your left leg is shorter than your right, or one eyebrow more crooked than the next, people just find the reason to complain and complain and complain. Thus, we arrive to the fact that humans are never contented with what they have.
I’ve had that told to my face a couple of times before… I’m never satisfied with what I have. At one hand, it may be good to join those lucky people who have found a niche in their comfort zone, leading a laid back life and enjoying whatever comes. But at another, could one blame me? It’s such a competitive world out there, ever shifting, ever changing… morphing, morphing, morphing as we speak, as we eat, as we sleep. If you are just plain contented with what you have, how do you step forward and rise above yourselves? Detect some seeds of kiasuism (I see some eyebrows of those who knows me best twitching hahaha)? So shoot me. Guilty as charged. But so what? It’s a female dog’s life after all.
Anyway, what is the push factor for this shift to virtual reality, you may wonder. A mini O2 and a brand new Acer Aspire 5612N laptop - both within a span of two weeks. It’s Eunice’s Electronic Month, must be. Quite a feat for a gadget illiterate like me, really. My Mini is such a darling…the world at your palm literally. Now, I’m supposedly more connected to the big bad world out there with just a couple of taps on my PDA screen anytime, anywhere. And thank god for WIFI, I can sit at Starbucks sipping my Chocolate Ice blend bought at an obscene price and rant about which leg is shorter than the other and which eyebrow is more crooked than the next. The earth has just gotten a lot smaller! Hawhaw.
Rite…rest assured though that mismatched eyebrows and legs are not the highlight of my days. A warm welcome into my world filled with multiple trains of thoughts, some of which have never found a station to stop long enough to be permanently etched in the mind. Let’s hope that with starting this page, these trains of thoughts will be translated into words and remain as a footprint in the journey of our lives, just as an anecdote, if not a lesson.
Okay, to be painfully honest, one of the reasons I’m blogging is because I’m trying to overcome that awkwardness of being read and being heard and crossing the line from being a private person to being a more transparent character. Catch no ball? I’m just plain weird, I know. I’m a published novelist, but as of now, have never been able to promote my books openly because (gasp!) I’m afraid that people would be able to see through to the core of me… to the part that is vulnerable or just downright twisted. I’m a drama queen by nature…so you could just imagine, in my novels, the drama is a hundred fold. 
So there, I said it. Naked, raw emotions scare me. I know I have them excessively… I need them to be able to write effectively. But so long as nobody knows about it, I have it under control. So how do I synchronize being a writer and a private person? That’s what I’m trying to find out.
In conclusion, writing gives me a voice, but one that is hidden behind that vulgar pseudonym I have (no, I’m not going to divulge that here). Not even my closest friends know which of my books are in the market at the moment, so heaven help me.
Random thought of the day:
Why do ants and mosquitoes and insects exist???!!! ARRGGGHHHH… a stupid question for a Biotech graduate I know. But still… ants are somehow attracted to this new gadget of mine and are crawling all over my thighs as I sit here musing. Like Halloooo! What does this laptop’s innards have that my kitchen doesn’t??? Apparently, their heads are too small to fit a proper brain. Oh, and to be reminded of that unfortunate night not so long ago when the electricity got cut and we’re reduced to being just like our cavemen ancestors, fending off jet sized mosquitoes swarming around the head as we sleep. I swear I was so well practiced in the art of killing mosquitoes I went on a killing spree in my sleep. Whoosh whoosh whoosh and they lay dead in my palm as seen the next morning with my dried up blood as proof of their crime! Good gripes.
