Having written about the achievable dream, there is something else I would like to pen here, specifically for a young girl I used to know who is treading her own graveyard of broken dreams and promises right as we speak. Have heart, girl, in life, if at all I’m entitled to give my one cent’s worth on the topic, there are achievable dreams, and there are unachievable dreams. I have learnt that from the never ending lessons life continue to mete out to me. While I used to believe that if one worked hard enough, gave her all towards a common goal in life, and had the faith to prod on in the battle despite all the odds that are piling against her, the battle was more than half won, I have come to believe now that it isn’t all that simple after all. There is only so much one can accomplish with two hands and one heart.
I mean…it is certainly admirable for one single person to fight valiantly to protect a dream as well as to achieve something that he or she believes firmly in. Unfortunately, when it comes to the matters of the heart, there are two people involved, and a million and one other factors which totally cannot be controlled or manipulated by a single person. Despite being courageous enough to think that you have the strength, the ability, and the will to fight for both sides just to remain in the battle, one person’s strength often isn’t enough. After all, it takes two to tango, two hands to clap. My thoughts are these: isn’t it much better to detach yourself from the mess if you already have done your part, gave it your very best shot and did all you could? There’s a time and limit to everything – and even the brightest star in the sky will burn itself out giving light to all others in the end. Why burn yourself out when the other party is not putting the same amount of effort, the same amount of heart, the same amount of fairness, or the same amount of fighting spirit?
Thus, in a reflection to this young girl’s dilemma, which she had told me was very similar to my own past, I have this to say…let go, girl. Let go while you still can. At least, try your very, very, very best. It is not worth it to tread the path that I did. It is a dog-eat-dog world, where the victimized will go on being victimized despite her strength and courage to face the world with as much dignity as she possibly could after painstakingly picking up the pieces of her life and mending all the broken parts. The journey to self healing from your stigma would already be tough enough, mind you. And yet thereafter, very few out there would appreciate or even be aware of your suffering, your humiliation and your pain after what you have been through – not because they intentionally or maliciously do so – just because they are ignorant towards things that they have ‘luckily’ never been through or imagined possible to happen to them personally. Worse, some are so blissfully ignorant, so traditionalist and narrow are their mindsets that they prefer to stay in their own paradigm without having a single consideration on what happens beyond their safe bubble. These people seldom see beyond their own shallowness and their own pathetic standards. Give them a bite and they swallow you whole, no bones to spit out even, and trust me, it’d take a whole lot to shield yourself against such people sometimes you won’t even wish to try. And on the other hand, there would be those who presumably ‘understand’ your situation enough to want to help you out of your emotional abyss and share your pain, but unfortunately, they lack the courage to defend your worth, to speak your cause, to correct those false assumptions of the ignorant people around them. Such hypocrisy, that I personally do not know which is worse among the two. So take it from someone who has been there and done that, it is no romanticized fairy tale after the storm whereby you get as much as you give, and no, more often than not, you would not be given a fair chance to defend yourself before certain thoughtless Neanderthals put their sick, revolting judgment on you, behind your back or not. This is the real world – it is harsh, and it is cruel, especially to people who live with a stigma behind them.
Sad but true, do you know? In fact, that is what I’ve been trying to relate in some of my books, and it is what spurs me on in writing, hoping to reverse the backward mentality that most people in our society still have today on the matter despite their pretentious acceptance of it. Okay, I suppose most of you who do not know my situation very well would be grasping at straws, wondering what the heck I’m trying to say right now. But young girl, listen to me this, you know I’m experienced enough on the matter to earn my entitlement to say something on this – you have age as your advantage, you have your whole life ahead of you, only if you made the right choices right now. What does not kill you now will only make you all the wiser, all the stronger. Somebody wise once told me – in order to be able to hold on to a better dream or future, you must first open up your hands and let go of everything that you have in your grasp at that moment – the bad and the good. Only then would your hand be free to reach out to another possibly greater and far more achievable dream that would do you right someday. No doubt, a tall order when you are so afraid of the future and so lost, but trust me, even the bitterest of emotions and the most painful of betrayals would be just a memory someday soon. Leave all the guilt and the regret to the ones who did not do their parts, who did not fight hard enough, who did not have sufficient faith and rightness of thought, who gave up prematurely, who cowered and lost the battle before it began – it is them who had failed. The regrets and guilt are not yours to keep. So relax your muscles and open up your hand, as well as your heart. I did. For certain, you could too.
